The G20 Summit is making life difficult in Toronto. As a guy who lives downtown, right near the dome, everything has been altered. From fences erected all over the place, to literally thousands of police walking, riding bikes, on horseback, or in riot gear, it really does look like a war zone.
But two good things have come out of the Summit: 1 – I was able to work from home this entire week, meaning I didn’t miss a single minute of the World Cup, and 2 – the Blue Jays series was shifted to Philadelphia. Before you flood my email box with angry messages about number 2, let me explain. I’m as angry as the next guy that we are denied the chance to see Roy Halladay come back to Toronto. I was looking forward to this series since the schedule was released. But here is the bonus – I am a Toronto Star season pass holder. While season ticket holders were given refunds for the games they lost this weekend, I was expecting nothing. Instead I received an envelope in the mail from the Blue Jays giving me one “best available seat” voucher for each game that was moved. That means that for three games between now and the end of the season, I have a chance to move down to ANY seat in the dome! Since a 100 level premium dugout seat goes for $62 – $75 depending on the game, essentially my pass paid for itself two-fold.
And so it was a rarity on Wednesday night. Accompanied by my dad (500 Level Fan Sr.) I made a trip to the good seats.
And it was in section 120, row 9 that I sat beside the 100 Level Fan of the Game – Fez from That 70′s Show.
To be honest – it wasn’t actually Fez. But I’ll be buggered if he didn’t sound exactly like him, the same Mexican-accented, higher pitched, squeaky voice. Every time I heard his voice while watching the game, I had to look to my right to make sure that it actually wasn’t Fez. And by every time, I mean every time – probably over 85 glances.
Three things stood out about Fez:
1. He liked to drink. He sucked back pints like they were going out of style. Upon his arrival in the first inning, he had two beers in hand. They were gone almost instantly. What followed was pure fascination on my part. Every time a beer vendor would walk down the aisle, Fez would stop him and order two more. I lost count of the amount of beers he consumed, but was treated to some further entertainment in the 7th inning when his buddy told him that beer sales stopped after the bottom half of the inning. Panicked, Fez tried to drink as fast as he could in order to sprint to the concourse level. He never made it.
2. He liked to heckle. Imagine hearing somebody with Fez’s voice heckling. Amazing. The problem was that he didn’t know a whole lot about baseball. When Aaron Hill couldn’t come up with a line drive that flew six feet over his head, Fez was angry: “Come on Aaron, I’ve seen you make that before.” When Pujols was on deck, Fez grilled him: “Pujols! Pooooooo – hooooooles! You suck sh*t Pujols!”
3. He could control the future. Seriously – what ever Fez said happened. During one Pujols at bat, this took place:
Fez – “Come on Pujols! Watch the ball. You can’t hit that.”
Pujols – watched strike one
Fez – “Ha! One more Albert, you can’t touch this. Leave the bat on your shoulder.”
Pujols – watched strike two
Fez – “Now….swing!”
Pujols – swung and laced a base hit to centre field
Twice in the game he predicted a double play the second before the pitch was thrown, including the Alex Gonzalez back-breaker in the ninth. Quite a performance.
While I still prefer the 500 Level for sheer entertainment value, Fez did his best to win me over for further trips to the good seats. Congratulations Fez, on winning a rare 100 Level Fan of the Game award.