It was a very, very exciting game at the dome last night. The Jays wound up on the wrong end of a 7-5 score, but the game was entertaining and featured yet another bomb by MLB HR leader Jose Bautista. The crowd was big (over 27,000) and very involved in the game – one of the noisiest crowds of the season in fact.
In the upper deck, the roof was open and the beers were flowing. Fans in all sections were enjoying a nice summer Tuesday night by getting absolutely blind drunk. While most drank beer, some were drinking red wine (who knew you could get that in the 500’s), and one crazy girl was drinking beer from a coffee cup that she snuck through security. But one fan in particular was drinking neither beer nor wine – he was consuming enormous quantities of mustard.
The 500 Level Fan of the Game for August 10th – Mean Mr. Mustard.
To be fair to triple-M, he wasn’t literally eating mustard from a bottle or packet. But he might as well have been. The amount of mustard he put on his hot dog was bordering on the obscene. My friends and I were transfixed and spent minute after minute simply staring at him. Each bite saw yellow dripping everywhere – on his shirt, his pants and all over his scraggly beard. It was almost vomit-inducing.
There was more than just mustard that made Mean Mr. Mustard so intriguing however. First was the fact that he ate. A lot. At one point he had a hot dog in his left hand, a second hot dog in his right, and a tray of fries on his lap. Keep in mind that this was NOT an all-you-can-eat section either.
Second was the fact that he was mean (hence the name). He was mean to the players on the field, calling Aaron Hill an idiot, taunting Encarnacion with chants of “Russ Adams”, and telling Snider to go back to the minors. He was mean to his little buddy sitting beside him. And he was just plain mean looking. The thought of having him turn around and glare at me was downright terrifying.
But really, at the end of the day, the craziest thing about this dude was the mustard. It’s hard to tell from the photo above, and it is also hard to describe, but trust me – there was a LOT of mustard. Picture getting a hot dog, going to the condiment table, grabbing the mustard, and squeezing the bottle. Now, keep squeezing. Hold it. Hold. Hold longer. Keep squeezing. Get it so that the bun is nearly covered, and then squeeze again. That might give you some kind of idea.
It was gross.
Congratulations Mean Mr. Mustard on winning 500 Level Fan of the Game. For my sake, and for everybody’s sake, I hope you never win again.