International Fan of the Game – June 20th, 2012

The Washington Nationals are a great young baseball team.  They have stars such as Stephen Strasburg, Bryce Harper, Ryan Zimmerman, and Gio Gonzalez, and are having a fantastic season.

By all accounts, Nationals Park is a beautiful stadium, one that I’d like to visit.

And now, thanks to friend of the site @TheCraiger, we can be assured of another thing: the Washington Nationals have wonderful fans.

Wonderful, drunken fans.

I had the pleasure of attending the Washington Nationals/Tampa Bay Rays game at Nationals Park on Wednesday evening. It was a perfect night for baseball. The stadium itself is nice because it’s outdoors, new, and well manicured. It’s always nice to watch a game when you are surrounded by fans who care, and will make comments about anything that is on their baseball minds.

But let’s get to what’s important- the 500 Level fan of the Game. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m proud to announce ‘the redneck with a fuzzy upper lip’.

For ease of description, let’s call him ‘Jeb’.

Jeb was a redneck. The skin on his neck was weathered. It was wrinkle-laden and perma-tanned from years of abuse and complete disregard for the true benefits of sunscreen.

Jeb was a drunk pedestrian. He was drinking light beers all night, so I felt I owed him the benefit of the doubt. Boy, was I wrong. He must have showed up to the park half cut. When he turned back and looked in my general direction I became worried. His eyes looked like a road map of Europe – so red and veiny. They were glazed over like an Easter ham and I’m positive some of his vision was compromised. I’m not a doctor, but I’d bet a few bucks on the fact that he had cataracts. This serious eye condition or not, he was well on his way to blindness.

Jeb was a working man, his nails were filthy and long.

Jeb had a duster. This was the icing on the cake.

He didn’t scream, make strange comments, or make a scene. The only meaningful peep that came from this intoxicated mouth was a genuine chuckle when someone screamed at Bryce Harper “that’s a clown question, bro’. Jeb was a drunken man who was fully immersed in his surroundings, and was approaching a modest level of paralysis.

Thanks Jeb for giving me a peek into your world.


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