Two weeks ago 500 Level Fan came into possession of an exclusive audio recording leaked from the Blue Jays clubhouse. 

Now, we have received another one, taped after the disastrous events of Tuesday night’s blown save in Oakland.  Have a look:

********************************

Date: May 8, 2012

Time: 1:08 AM Eastern, minutes after interim closer Francisco Cordero allowed a walk-off Grand Slam to Oakland’s Brandon Inge

Scene: Inside the visitors clubhouse at O.co Coliseum in Oakland, California

[SILENCE spreads across the clubhouse as the Blue Jay players walk into the clubhouse and sit down at their lockers.  They look stunned]

Adam Lind: That hurts.  That’s a tough one.

[CLACK CLACK CLACK - the sound of cleats walking down the tunnel towards the room breaks the silence.  Francisco Cordero walks into the room with his head down]

Francisco Cordero: Hijo de puta, basura, pedazo de mierda, carajo! Brandon Inge! por el amor de mierda!!!  AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[loosely translated from Spanish, it means "son of a b**ch, garbage, piece of crap, damn!!! Brandon Inge! for f**k sakes!!]

[CRASH SNAP, as Cordero picks up a plastic chair, snaps it over his knee, then throws it towards the bathroom.  He then storms after it, towards the showers, leaving the room]

Brett Lawrie [whispering to J.P. Arencibia]: Damn bro, that dude sucks.  Wasn’t Brandon Inge practically retired a few days ago?  He hits worse than Omar yo!

J.P. Arencibia [whispering back to Lawrie]: Yeah brosef.  Inge is brutal.  But you know what?  I’m afraid of Coco.  That guy is nuts.  Pure loco.  Whatever you do, don’t look at him – he might eat you.

Edwin Encarnacion [to Lawrie]: Yo amigo . Your boy there is right. I played with Coco in Cincy.  He didn’t blow many saves there, but when he did…[whistles]…it was carnage.  I remember one time in Milwaukee, dude broke a toilet in half with his foot, then stuffed a ton of towels and a suitcase in the hole to stop the water from spraying everywhere.  Poor clubhouse guy came to stop him and Coco tried to bite him. 

Lawrie: Woah, woah, woah.  Bite him?  Yo dude, that is off the charts sick!!! Ooooohhh baby!!!

EE: You heard me.  Guy was so freaked he took off and didn’t come back in the rest of the series.  So listen to me.  Keep your head down.  Coco is one crazy Dominican fool.

JPA: No worries there.  I ain’t gonna be looking anywhere near that dude.

[at that moment, manager John Farrell emerges from his office]

Farrell: Alright guys, listen up.  There’s no getting around it – that was a tough one, one we would’ve liked to have.  But you know what?  Silver lining: we hung in there until the end.  We didn’t have our best stuff tonight.  We only had 6 hits.  Ricky didn’t have his best stuff but he battled.  We all battled and somehow we had a lead in the ninth.  Yeah we lost it, but it showed a lot about this team that we hung in there.  Francisco – where’s Franky?

[Farrell looks around and doesn't see his embattled closer]

Farrell: Anyway – I have faith in Franky.  He’s been here befo-

[suddenly a lot of loud BANGS reverberate from the bathroom.  After several seconds, Francisco Cordeo emerges wearing only an undershirt, and carrying a metal garbage can.  His glove is on his head.]

[SMASH as he slams the garbage can on the ground]

Francisco Cordero: Friends.  I let you down.  I not pitch well tonight, or all year.  So you know what I do to fix that?  I burn something. 

[Cordero throw his glove in the can, squirts some lighter fluid on it, then lights it on fire.  Flames shoot out of the can]

Cordero: No more bad glove, no more bad games.  No more bad glove, no more bad games.  NO MORE BAD GLOVE, NO MORE BAD GAMES.

[he repeats this phrase while dancing around the can]

Cordero: Woooo!  We gonna be fine now boys!  We gonna be alright!!!

[Farrell smiles, shakes his head, and walks away.]

[Brian Butterfield sits in the corner, stunned, silent]

[Adam Lind laughs and throws his batting gloves in the can]

Lind: Ya baby!!  Burn up!  No more bad games!

[On the other side of the room, Encarnacion looks at Arencibia and Lawrie]

EE: What did I tell you boys?  That dude is messed up.

Lawrie: He is one sick cat.  But you know what?  I love it.  I LLLLOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE IIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[end]

********************************

So there you go. 

Coco has spoken.

No more bad games.

The following is an excerpt of an audio recording received exclusively by 500 Level Fan.  Its contents are shocking:

********************************

Date: April 26, 2012

Time: 9:58 PM, minutes after the Blue Jays were swept by the Orioles

Scene: Inside the visitors clubhouse at Oriole Park at Camden Yards

[a CRASH resonates across the locker room as Brett Lawrie throws his glove against the wall]

[a SMASH echoes across the room as Casey Janssen kicks a chair in disgust]

Brandon Morrow: Hey Case, settle down buddy.  It’s alright, it’s just one game.

Casey Janssen: I know man, but damn it!  Right down the f*#$kin’ middle!  Who throws a ball down the middle to the only guy on Baltimore that can hit?

[SMASH as another chair goes flying]

Brett Lawrie: DAMMIT!!!! HOW DO WE GET SWEPT BY BALTIMORE!!!! AHHHHH!!!!

J.P. Arencibia [walking in behind the rest of the team]: Relax bro! Long way to go in the season.  We’ll get ‘em next time.

Lawrie [stomping his feet]: GRRRRRRR

JPA: Is that a growl?  Ha, ha, ha!!!

[At this point manager John Farrell walks in to address the team]

Farrell: Tough night out there boys.  I thought we -

[Suddenly team leader Jose Bautista stands up and gets Farrell's attention.  Farrell stops talking and cedes the floor to Jose]

Bautista: I don’t like to lose.  In fact, I HATE to lose.  Losing makes me very, very angry.  But do you know what makes me angrier?

[silence falls across the room as the team looks at their leader]

Bautista: Doubt.  People say that I’ve lost the ability to hit.  They say the league has caught up to me.  They’re doubting me and they’re doubting us.  I don’t like that.  But guess what?  They’re wrong.  ET – how many home runs did I hit last year?

Eric Thames: Uh, 40 something.

Bautista: 43 – close enough.  Double R – what about the year before?

Ricky Romero: 54 boss.

Bautista: There’s a man who knows his baseball.  Correct.  Brett, what does that add up to?  Nevermind…it’s under 100. 

[some laughs trickle out of some players]

Bautista: And do you know how many extra base hits I had the past two seasons? 

[some head shaking]

Thames: Probably a hell of a lot more than I did!

Bautista: Ha!  Right on.  161 of them.  But now they’re saying I can’t hit.  Do you really believe that after those two years I have suddenly lost the ability to hit big league pitching?

JPA: Maybe it’s all the Booster Juice you drank in the offseason!

[laughter.  somebody throws a towel at Arencibia]

Bautista: J.P. – do you know what playing possum means?

JPA:  Of course….no….you can’t….really?

[Bautista smiles and nods]

Bautista: Do you really think I can’t hit a curveball or a slider?  Do you really think I don’t see the infield shifts and have the ability to poke a few oppo-field doubles?  I can hit a f*$#kin’ curveball 600 damn feet!  I can crush a slider and have it land in Texas if I wanted to.

Lawrie: So why not do it now?  Why wait?

Bautista: Because they think they have me now.  The rest of the league thinks they have me exactly where they want me.  They’ve figured me out.  Ain’t that right Murph?

[hitting coach Dwayne Murphy can only chuckle and shake his head]

Bautista: They keep tossing in the off-speed s*#t, they keep lolly gagging this trash to the plate thinkin’ they got me all figured out.  They keep moving the second baseman to the left side of the field thinkin’ I’ll wilt under the shift. I could have started hitting it right now, but why give it away already?  Everybody says that a win in April is just as important, and that’s true.  But come on dammit.  We’ve played the Orioles, Royals, and Indians 13 times!!  I’d rather beat the Yankees, Sox, and Rays.  I know we played them already, but it was too early.

Janssen: So what are you sayin?

Bautista: I’m saying that now I’ve got them all fooled.  Now that the league knows how to pitch to me, they’ll commit to it.  Now that they see I’m hitting under .200, they’ll pull this s*#t day in and day out.  And now that that’s locked in?  BOOM!

[Bautista swings his arms and starts a miniature home trut around the locker room to the cheers of his teammates]

Bautista: It all starts tomorrow when we kick the s*#t out of the Mariners!  Let’s teach this league who’s boss.  Who’s with me?  Huh?  WHO’S WITH ME!!??!!??

[cheers erupt from the group, including from manager Farrell.  Even Colby Rasmus gives a fist pump]

Lawrie: I’M FIRED UP! IIII’MMMM FFFFFIIIIIRRRREEEEDDDD UUUUPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[end]

********************************

So there you go. 

Bautista has spoken.

We’ll be fine.

When I was a kid I was addicted to a game called Hockey League Simulator.  It was a game that allowed you to control a hockey team, everything from drafting and acquiring players, to setting lines, to managing the minor league system.  Since you didn’t actually play the games it was possible to play an entire season in a short period of time.  I would play that game for hours and hours, trying to put together a good enough package to acquire Wayne Gretzky or Mario Lemieux.  It was awesome.

Fast forward about 15 years to present day and you’ll find me obsessed with a new simulation game, one much more advanced and with an incredible amount of detail.  When I was first contacted by Out of the Park Developments and asked if I was interested in testing out OOTP ’13, I had no idea what I was in store for.  I had never played any prior version of OOTP Baseball, so I was simply expecting a game that gave me a chance to manage a team, make some trades, and watch how my moves played out in a simulated season.

I was wrong.  Incredibly wrong.

OOTP ’13 is an unbelievable simulation game with a ridiculous amount of detail.  I’ve been playing it for a few weeks and have barely even scratched the surface of what is available. 

The game comes equipped with all of 2012′s rule changes – including the second wild card, full 2012 rosterrs, and also includes the Houston Astros move to the AL West in 2013.  But if you don’t want to play this year’s season, don’t worry about it.  You can play ANY season EVER.  Want to see if you can manage the 1985 Blue Jays to the World Series?  Go for it.   Think you can avoid Toronto’s collapse in ’87?  Give it a shot.  The game has it all.

And as I said, the level of detail is incredible.  It includes the entire minor leagues.  There are detailed injury reports, weekly power rankings, news articles, contract negotiations, and of course tons and tons of statistics.  As a GM, you have the option of starting out unemployed and hoping to catch on somewhere, or you can start with a job in A-ball and try to work your way up.  Or, if you can handle it, jump right into the big leagues at the helm of your favourite team.  That’s what I tried to do – and I failed.  Miserably.  I used to think I could handle being a major league GM.  Now I highly, highly doubt it.

While so many things are possible in this game, by far my favourite thing to do is simply sit back and simulate a season.  In my first crack at simming the 2012 season, the Jays made it the playoffs as the second Wild Card before losing to the Angels.  The LF question was also solved as Toronto traded Eric Thames to the Angels for a prospect.  The traded turned out to be a blessing for LA, as Thames lead all of baseball with 134 RBI’s in 2013!

Overall, I give OOTP ’13 a 10 out of 10.  Everything you’d ever want in a simulation is here, plus a whole lot more.  If there is anything to complain about it would be this: the game predicted a Boston Red Sox World Series title this year. 

As a Jays fan, that is something I can’t endorse.

But as a game, I highly recommend it.  You won’t be disappointed.

To download a copy of the game, visit ootpdevelopments.com.

In the last few weeks I have been lucky enough to participate in a few different blogger roundtables (for Mop Up Duty’s roundtable, click here, and for C70 At The Bat’s roundtable, stay tuned - expected post date is March 27).  Each is basically a collaboration of a number of Jays bloggers giving their opinions about the off-season and expectations about the coming season.

So I thought I’d take that idea and tweak it a bit.  Instead of asking other bloggers to provide opinions I decided to reach out to my readers and gather their thoughts.  Do Blue Jays fans expect the team to make the playoffs this year?  How will Colby Rasmus fare?  Will Brett Cecil rebound and become a solid #3 starter?

Read on and find out.

1. How many HR will Jose Bautista hit in 2012?

The answers here ranged from a low of 35 (not a lot of faith in the big man by my Dad, 500 Level Fan Sr.!) to a high of 57.  In fact, there were two who pegged Bau to eclipse the 50 home run mark, and each gave quite specific answers:

- “57.  He will also win the home run derby and hit a grand slam in the all star game.”

- “54 – the mild winter should help the ball carry this year, plus the cement in the dome is finally dry so he won’t have the “McGriff” issue.” (great Sky High – The Story of the 1989 Toronto Blue Jays reference)

Overall, the average of the responses was just over 42, so it looks like we expect another 40+ HR season from Mr. Bautista.

2. What type of season do you expect from Colby Rasmus?

Here is a sample of some of the words that were used in the answers: breakout, bullish, good, solid, meh, bad, very bad, spectacular, and “he baffles me”.

Basically, the opinions on Colby were all over the place.  While one expects an .800 + OPS and over 20 HR, another expects him to struggle to reach a .700 OPS and barely hit double digit home runs. 

The one consistent theme was defense.  Most expect solid to outstanding defense in CF from Colby, with one reader even predicting a Gold Glove award.  A few also predicted good things speed-wise from Rasmus, with double digit steals.

Overall, the poll suggests that most aren’t as excited about Rasmus in 2012 as I am, but most agree that he is not as bad as he was in 2011. 

3. What do you expect from Brett Cecil this season?

The overwhelming majority of responses to this question were negative.  Apparently we have NO FAITH in Brett Cecil.

- “I have reservations about him.”

- “He has velocity issues.  Best hope is a decent 4-5 starter.  The guy just doesn’t make me confident.”

- “Inconsistent.  He may end up a bullpen guy unfortunately.”

- “I think he struggles with his velocity, continues to give up lots of HR, and probably ends up on the DL.  5.15 ERA.”

- “Demoted or bullpen by June.”

But it was not all doom and gloom for Mr. Cecil.  One responder called him a “lean mean no. 3 starter” while another said he would have a “good year.”

There was a battle over his appearance though, with two readers taking polar opposite positions:

- “I expect big things…I like his glasses.”

- “I don’t trust pitchers with glasses unless they are named Rick Vaughn.”

Prove us wrong Brett.

4. Do you anticipate a big trade before the deadline?  If so, who comes and who goes?

Every single response I received said yes – there will be a trade, but were unsure as to whether it would be big or not.  Most said they had no idea who would go, and for what, but that some moves would be made.  The consensus was:

- any trade will likely catch us off guard

- tweaks would likely be minor

- AA would not target a rental player

- any potential trade would bring back starting pitching and/or first base help

Some did name names that they expect to see leaving the franchise, specifically one (or more) of Adam Lind, Travis Snider, Colby Rasmus, Eric Thames, Kyle Drabek, J.P. Arencibia, and Brett Cecil.  Some interesting names were floated as potential targets for Anthopoulos including Josh Johnson of the Marlins, and Tommy Hanson, Mike Minor, and Brandon Beachy of the Braves.

Oh – and I would be doing an injustice if I didn’t mention the baffling response of one man who simply said: “The Big Hurt will rise again”. 

Classic.

5. How many wins will the Jays have in 2012?

For all of the griping and whining that Jays fans did this offseason, you wouldn’t know it by reading the responses to this question.  Either the angry fans who thought the Jays missed the boat this past winter are in the minority, or my readers are heavily drinking the 500 Level Fan Kool-Aid, because nothing but high numbers came back.

Seriously – the lowest number of wins predicted is 86, which would mark a five game improvement over 2011.  The high was 94. Three different people see the Jays eclipsing the 90-win plateau.  Over 50% of all respondents gave the same number: 88. 

Optimism is high in Blue Jay-ville right now.

6. Will the Jays make the playoffs?

Based on the number of wins expected, it shouldn’t come as a shock that over 60% of the readers expect to see Toronto making their first post-season appearance since 1993.  Those who don’t think the 88-odd wins will be enough added a note that said that the Jays will be close, and that September will be exciting for the first time in a while.

Some even went as far as to predict some playoff success as well, with two saying that Toronto would win the one-game Wild Card round.  In fact, Toronto will “win with a final score of 6 to 3…there will be a game changing double because the ball ends up under the opponents foul line bullpen and gets stuck in a jacket/cup just like Luis Sojo when the Mariners beat the Angels in a one game playoff in 1995.”

Long live Sojo.

Bonus – Tell me the stat line (AVG / HR / RBI) for Edwin Encarnacion

As 500 Level Fan readers are well aware, I have an issue with EE.  I love him.  I hate him.  I want him to lead the team to glory.  I want him released.  I think he is amazing.  I think he sucks.  I am basically all over the place on him.  But right now I am extremely high on EE.  I even drafted him in a Dynasty Keeper Fantasy Baseball League. 

But…

Apparently others don’t share that love.  This is the average stat line I received:

.272 average, 20 HR, 66 RBI.

Those are decent numbers, pretty much right on par with his production last year, but not as high as I see them going in 2012 (for my prediction check back soon for the 2012 MLB and Blue Jay prediction columns).

One respondent expects Edwin to have 0 home runs at the All-Star break, then pick it up.  One respondent flat out refused to answer, saying “there will be enough posts from the 500 Level Fan himself on EE.  I will read those, comment, and ridicule them.”  One anticipates Edwin to miss 12 games due a mild oblique strain, and another 4 for violating team conduct rules.

Friends, I ask you – where is the love?

When I was a kid I was a huge card collector.  I would sometimes spend entire Saturday’s at the card shop, spending my allowance on packs of Upper Deck, or searching through boxes of commons to try and complete my sets.

It was always such a great feeling, opening a fresh pack of baseball cards.  The only thing that topped it was the excitement of pulling your favourite player.  For me, seeing the beautiful smiling face of a Tony Fernandez was worth the price of the pack all by itself.  In fact, pulling any Toronto Blue Jay was always good for a thrill.

If you read those first two paragraphs and got a smile on your face from the fond memories, AND if you like drinking enormous amounts of beer, then 500 Level Fan has the perfect game for you. 

We call it the Packs Game.

The Packs Game was invented a few years ago, after a Jays game that saw a few of us have one or two (or six) too many brown pops.  Walking along the concourse of the dome, we noticed a series of vending machines scattered all over the 500 Level (they are also on the 100 and 200 levels).  In the machines were rows upon rows of baseball cards.  And not just any baseball cards – the premium cards of my youth.

I saw 1991 and 1992 Upper Deck.

1989 Donruss.

1991 Fleer.

1991 Score.

They were all there.  And they looked glorious.

So what else would a group of guys in their 20′s do but buy a ton of them?  Of course we would!

Stopping at the nearest bar we could find, we ordered drinks and proceeded to invent the greatest game ever played.

Here are the rules:

It is very similar to the card game War, where everybody plays one card at a time, and whoever has the highest card wins.

In the Packs Game, everybody grabs a pack, preferably the same pack.  1992 Upper Deck is a classic.

With the cards hidden so nobody can see ANY (either yours or anybody elses), each player puts one card on the table.  Whoever has the highest priority card wins the entire collection of cards on the table.

How do you determine the highest priority card?  Like this:

First Trump – A Blue Jay, in full uniform.  If anybody pulls a Jay, say a Lloyd Moseby, or a Devon White, or a Dave Stieb, they win.

Second Trump – A Blue Jay, not in uniform.  This is a player who at one point in their career played for Toronto, but did not play for them on this particular card.  Maybe it’s a Tony Fernandez card when he was a Padre, or Rickey Henderson as an A, or Joe Carter as an Indian.  Because the actual Blue Jay logo doesn’t appear, they lose to the First Trunp.

Third Trump and Above – If none of the above were pulled in the round, it’s time to have fun.  The third trump is something that the entire group agrees upon before the game begins.  It can be a stat.  It can be geographical.  It can be physical.  Some popular plays in the past have been:

Statistical

- Most Career HR

- Lowest Career ERA

- Most Stolen Bases in 1988

Geographical

- Team closest to Toronto

- Hometown that is the earliest alphabetical

Physical

- Fullest moustache

- Fattest man

Once it is determined who wins the round, that player gets every card that was played.  At the end of the pack, the player with the most cards wins.

But that isn’t the fun part.  The fun part is this:

The player with the fewest cards is penalized.  Heavily.  By drinking.

If you’re at a bar, order a shot of something.  If you’re at home, make the loser do a shotgun.  Better yet, place bets on the outcome.  Once we had a man guarantee he wouldn’t lose or he’d shotgun three consecutive cans.  He lost.  He shotgunned.  The resulting burp was incredible.

So next time you’re at the Rogers Centre and you walk by the baseball card vending machine, do yourself a favour.

Stop and buy a few packs.

You won’t regret it.

This is my first Christmas post as a blogger.  With other guys doing a great job posting things they want for the Jays in 2011, I thought I’d leave that stuff alone.

I only want to make one simple request.

If you have an old school Blue Jays tuque, please wear it.

This man did and it made my holidays:

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everybody.

Thanks for making 500 Level Fan’s first seven months so much fun.

The Strip frontman and performer of "The 500 Level Fan" Darrin Davis

Baseball has “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”

The Toronto Blue Jays have “OK Blue Jays!”

Famous players in history, such as Jackie Robinson, Willie Mays, and Joe DiMaggio have had songs written about them.

And now, we here 500 Level Fan can proudly announce a theme song of our own: “The 500 Level Fan.”  Please click on the link in the top right corner of the site for a listen.

Written, recorded, and performed by Darrin Davis of The Strip, “The 500 Level Fan” captures everything that my site tries to provide to readers – a fun, opinionated, and intelligent look at the Blue Jays and their fans.

A bit more about the songwriter:

For those who haven’t had a chance to see The Strip perform live in and around Toronto, you are missing out….big time.  They have performed on some of the biggest and most sought-out stages in the city including the Horseshoe Tavern, the Dakota Tavern, Lee’s Palace, the Opera House, the Supermarket, and Hugh’s Room.  A successful tour of Western Canada culminated in the release of their debut album, the critically acclaimed “Stick to Your Guns”.  A sophomore record – “Long-gone Lonesome Lullabies” – followed to further widespread recognition.

Uber-talented front-man Darrin Davis can pretty much do it all.  Aside from singing, and playing guitar, banjo, saxophone, mandolin, and harmonica, he is also a songwriter extraordinaire, a lover of scotch, and Fireball whiskey, and a class-act, stand-up gentleman.

500 Level Fan is honoured to have an artist of such stature create a song for the site.  The amount of work that goes into one song is astounding, and judging by the final result, it was well, well worth it.

Have a listen.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

*****************************************

For more information on Darrin Davis and The Strip:

-The Strip-
For music, photos,
blogs, concert info and more,
please visit:
http://www.myspace.com/thestripmusic

For HD video, please visit:
http://www.youtube.com/user/dsharpdavis

To Purchase “Stick To Your Guns” please visit Indie Pool at:
www.indiepool.com/tslcd01

Also Available on iTunes.

Sometimes going to the game just isn’t good enough.  Sometimes you need to spice up your in-game experience, especially in those bad times where the Jays are getting bombed.  Some people do this with booze.  Others do it by playing games within the game.

We here at 500 Level Fan do it with both.

Navin Vaswani’s recent column in the Globe and Mail about a game he calls Loonies (my friends and I play a very similar game we call the Hat Game), got me thinking about other ballpark games that add to the excitement of what is happening on the field.  The first one that came to mind this week is a game that we play every single trip into the Dome.  It is a game that we do not know what the prize is for winning.  It is a game that has actually, to this day, never even had a winner.  But it is a game that adds loads of excitement to the ballgame, because the more ridiculous you make it, the more fun it becomes.

It is a game we call “Three for Three”.

The origination of Three for Three (TFT for short) is unclear, lost in the haze and memory loss of upper deck 20 ounce Bud’s and countless St. Louis’ or Firkin or Lone Star pitchers.  But the two simple rules have been the same since the game was born about four or five years ago:

1. Pick three distinct events you think will happen in the game.

2. Get all three right, you win.

The End

Rule #1 is a lot easier said than done however.  Each event must be approved by the entire group to be considered legal.  Some considerations into selecting events are as follows:

- an event can be team or individual based (i.e. a sacrifice fly by the Jays, or a double by Adam Lind)

- it must be fairly specific (i.e. a base hit by Adam Lind is unacceptable, but a double by Lind, or an opposite field single by Lind, or a base hit in the 5th inning by Lind are acceptable)

- events can not be repeated, not within the group, and not by the same person at multiple games (i.e. a Lind double can not be used more than once in a season)

- an event does not necessarily have to involve a player (i.e. a foul ball will land within two rows of our seats)

As I said before, never in the history of TFT has there been a winner.  Due to this fact, we have no idea what to award as a prize in the event a winner ever occurs.  One thing that is obvious though, is that the prize must be significant.  A victory after years and years of failure just can’t be rewarded with a beer or a shot.  No – something majestic must happen.

But over the years there have been several close calls.  In 2007, already with two events secured, one friend needed a multi-homer game for a Blue Jay.  Adam Lind came up in the bottom of the ninth with one home run already, and launched a 1-2 pitch off the top of the wall in centre field.  Double.  No TFT.

Opening Day of 2009 I chose a 4-6-3 double play, a multiple hit game for Lyle Overbay and a ground rule double.  After the double play was completed in the top of the first inning, and Overbay doubled in the bottom of the first, I was an Overbay ground rule double away from the win.  Did not happen  No TFT.

But by far the most agonizing was last season, with a fellow 500 Level Fan.  Joe Inglett came to the plate with my opponent needing a stand-up triple.  After a  shot to the gap that rattled around the wall, Inglett came flying around second.  When the throw was cut-off, it was obvious there would not be a relay to third.  Inglett had the triple!  The first victory in TFT was upon us!  But NO!!!  Inglett inexplicably slid head-first into the base, ruining the stand-up triple, and costing the TFT win.  He has never lived it down.

One final rule to point out is the bonus rule.  The bonus rule in TFT applies to all players: if Johnny Mac ever goes 5 for 5, it is an automatic win for all involved.

Like I said – we have never had a winner…..

The best part about the game by far is when the most creative choices actually come through.  Some classics in TFT history include:

- a foul grounder to first base coach Ernie Whitt, who makes the catch one-handed, turns, and flips underhand into the crowd

- Miguel Tejada of Baltimore to be ejected for arguing balls and strikes

- a broken bat single between the shortstop and the second base bag

- a fly ball off the DQ ad on the right field wall

- a fan in our section to spill his beer while standing to let other fans into/out of his row

So for anyone heading to the dome this weekend, I encourage you to try it out.  Feel free to email your event selections to fivehundredlevelfan@gmail.com and I’ll post the most creative.  Remember, the more creative/wacky/out-there the selections, the sweeter it feels when they come through.

Just don’t ask me what you get for winning…